What To Do If You're Being Discriminated Against Based on Your Pregnancy

"Hey Preggo... you're fired." It happens. There are a lot of great employers out there but there are some who, for whatever reason, will discriminate against pregnant women in various ways. Here are some examples of discrimination which might in some circumstances be illegal:

• A supervisor harassing you on the basis of your pregnancy. (Daily barrage of "Why'd you have to get pregnant? Pregnant people are lazy." etc.)
• When your co-worker is out of work for heart surgery for 8 weeks, no problem -- when you're out for 8 weeks for maternity leave, you're given an inordinately hard time about it
• "We can't have pregnant people working here. We're going to have to let you go."

What you should do:

• WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING. Keep a journal or log.
• If you have a handbook, look up the complaint procedure. Follow it.
• If you don't have a handbook, still complain to your supervisor, and follow the chain of command up a level or two
• Don't give your employer ammo against you: the law is not there to give you a break or special treatment because you are pregnant, but to make sure that as long as you are performing the job as you're supposed to that you're not discriminated against
• Try to pinpoint the issues and get resolution. Your goal should not be to build a lawsuit but to prevent having to.

When To Tell Your Boss You're Pregnant

When my sixth grade class used to ask Ms. Simons how long our essays had to be, she'd say "Miniskirt." This, in her parlance, meant it was supposed to be long enough to cover everything important, but short enough to be interesting.

The same general principle applies to the timing of telling your boss you're pregnant. There are reasons not to do it too early, reasons not to wait too long. On balance, in most circumstances, somewhere between 14 & 20 weeks is about ideal. Here's why.

Risks of waiting too late:

--At some point, you become the elephant in the room. If you're not talking about being pregnant but it's becoming obvious, it just gets awkward.

--Your boss will have a harder time finding coverage for your position, which, though in some circumstances not your problem, does mean just more negative vibes in the air to deal with. The more time you have to figure out how maternity time coverage will work (and what the possibilities are for coming back after) the easier that process might go in some situations.

--If you're pregnant, you don't tell him/her but somehow your boss finds out and then pretends not to know, and then fires you because of your pregnancy then claims not to have known, you're screwed. It happens. If you tell them early on and then suddenly you're fired or given a harder time or otherwise treated badly, you might have more legal protection in some situations.

Risks of sharing the news the moment you know:

--Not to be TOO depressing but a lot of early pregnancies do result in miscarriage. The general recommendation on that front is to wait until 14 weeks at least (once you've heard a heartbeat and all that). If you've told your boss then something happens then you have to tell THAT news too, and it's just awkward.

--Being too forthcoming can come back to bite you in some circumstances. The moment you tell people you're pregnant, some (not all -- but some) people are going to attribute everything you forget, everything you drop, every time you trip, to your pregnancy.

--Know thyself. You may need some time to get used to the idea of being pregnant and get comfortable with that concept before making it public knowledge.

These are just some of the thoughts that should go into your decision of when to tell. How to tell them is for another day.

Go Belly First!

Go ahead, put your belly out there. If it's not big enough yet to clear traffic with, don't fret, you'll get there. You, Belly Woman, are a supermom-in-training, a chrysalis, a rockstar. Whether it's a new secret you've just discovered or it's to the point of way past being able to hide, be proud of that belly!

This blog is about pregnancy and life. There will be some brass tacks type posts about things like how and when to tell your boss that you're pregnant, what do do when random strangers try to touch your belly, what to wear to work when your normal clothes are too small and maternity clothes are too big, what to do if you feel like people are treating you badly at work based on your pregnancy, what rights you do or don't have in regards to maternity leave, what you can do now to help yourself later in regard to the so-called "work life balance," etc. This is not so much a blog about the medical aspects or the chronology of what is happening when inside of you -- it's about you and the world around you and the transitions happening in your life... and how to embrace and enjoy them!

To do this, you'll need to "paddle hard." (Huh?!) Back in my younger crazier college days, I did a bit of whitewater kayaking. One time my group went out on a river that we discovered, too late, had a much higher water level than we had expected – TOO high. Dangerously high. By the time we figured this out, however, we had to at the very least make our way to the bank opposite where we were – there was no turning back. The river was there, and I had to deal with it. My eyes, I’m sure, looked like the proverbial saucers. With an angry river swirling and chopping and churning like that, my gut reaction was to want to want to slow down. As much as I felt like plunging a paddle straight down to act as a brake, however, my group leader then told me some awesome advice that has stuck with me. All he said was, “Paddle hard.”

The harder you paddle, it turns out, the more in control you are of the boat. If you just sit there, the river does whatever it wants to you, tossing you around, possibly throwing you upside down if it feel like it. If, however, you can paddle so that you’re just a little bit faster than the current underneath, you’re the one in control. Just like when you water ski, the water surface magically transforms into a surface with enough tension to keep you up on top instead of sinking down and tossed around. Sure, the river is still bigger than you, but you can steer the course.

I got to the other river bank that day, and my group leader said it was the best he’d ever seen me paddle. I wish the same for everyone reading this blog – that you, too, will learn to take this big ol’ tumultuous river in front of you in stride and paddle hard. With that mindset, not only will you get where you need to go, but you’ll find that you’ll be even better than you had been.

Go belly first.